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What's going on with this guy?

lizze77

New Member
This man, who is my therapist, had said something to me that made me feel uncertain about how he views me. I had told him once that I liked him as a therapist. Right after I had made that comment, he told me that he was glad that I had said that and that I've always been his favorite client. Another time, I was getting ready to leave a session and he said, "I hope you enjoy this warm weather, such as yourself". Then he quickly fixed what he had said by saying, "such as today". He also tries to find things in common with me. For example, I had told him that I was Greek. Then, he told me that he was Greek too even though he has told me multiple times in the past that he only has Swedish ancestry. Sometimes, with some of the things that I'm interested in, he'd apply some of my interests into his life that he's never been interested in before. For example, if I was really into astrology, he'd start getting into astrology too.

I'm also in group therapy with him. During these group therapy sessions, he'd would always try to sit next to me even when there were other seats open and available for him to sit in next to other clients. I would try to sit somewhere else to see if he'd would follow me and he never fails to sit next to me. If he isn't able to sit next to me at all, he'll stare at me for a long time after the session is over and as I'm getting myself ready to leave. He also mirrors my body language while he's looking and listening to other people within the group. If I sit back in my chair, he sits back in his chair a 3 seconds later. Or , if I rest my hand by my neck, he'll do the same right after me. He's married and I'm single.

Why is he doing all of this?
 

Rhonda333

Moderator
Staff member
I'm afraid Sarah is right. This guy has divorced his professional manner and is trying to start a sexual relationship with you. I don't think I'd report him to his boss- he is only being human, albeit falling victim to a weakness. However, you need o tell him this. He needs a second chance at his profession- its just not going to be with you.
 

Sarahnr1

Sarah
Thank you for agreeing Rhonda .The problem i see with as you say giving him another chance is that he will most probably do this again and this time said girl might not have the courage to stand up against him . This is why i still strait he should be reported to the boss as this is clearly NOT a suitable place for him to work with young girls shore were al allowed to make mistakes but in this particular profession you cant . helping someone you are taking on a huge responsibility of actual being able to trust you and let said person you help to be guided towards youre own possibilities within you to help youre self and it it also involved 101 % mutual trust.
 

Rhonda333

Moderator
Staff member
Maybe you should consider his age. If he's a young man just starting in the profession he might deserve a little more leeway than an older mature rherapist. I just hate to see a man's career profession ruined because he gave in to a normal human emotion.
 

Sarahnr1

Sarah
I understand youre point Rhonda and the last thing i want is to destroy someone life and we al make mistakes and yes its human to fault , But as i said if he alredy shows this signs . would you be willing to let say youre younger daughter go to therapy under him ? i can defenetly say i wouldn't . To me its obvious that he should not be allowed to have any younger females in therapy as he unfortunately cant difference between the job and reel life. Also just because youre trained to a specific job dont always mean youre actually suitable for it im afraid
 

lizze77

New Member
Thank you all for your opinions and advice :) He's in his 30's and I'm in my 20's. He has kids of his own as well.

I also asked him if he has ever thought of me as annoying. He's said that I never was to him. But, I remember times when I was annoying and I pointed it out to him with examples from the past, which were true. Yet, he still says that I'm not and refuses to think so. He's even said that out of all of his other clients, who are annoying or a bother to him, that it's never been the case with me. He'd even sometimes talks about his wife to me and says that she even annoys him with the things that she does and he thinks that he annoys her at times. But, he has said some positive things about her as well. Although, I can see how the annoyance levels can increase when you're around your spouse all of the time. But then, he also said that he believes that I don't think of him as annoying.

It also makes me wonder how he could see me as not being annoying at all, but when it comes to his other clients, he finds them to be annoying and bothersome.

Why does he think that I'm never annoying and thinks that others are annoying?

Also, he and I gave each other a close hug. He gave me the criss-cross hug (one arm wrapped around my shoulder and the other wrapped under my shoulder). I hugged him tight, then he hugged me tight. After the hug, he started talking to me and his breathing became heavy and his voice was shaky.
 
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Sarahnr1

Sarah
Thank you all for your opinions and advice :) He's in his 30's and I'm in my 20's. He has kids of his own as well.

I also asked him if he has ever thought of me as annoying. He's said that I never was to him. But, I remember times when I was annoying and I pointed it out to him with examples from the past, which were true. Yet, he still says that I'm not and refuses to think so. He's even said that out of all of his other clients, who are annoying or a bother to him, that it's never been the case with me. He'd even sometimes talks about his wife to me and says that she even annoys him with the things that she does and he thinks that he annoys her at times. But, he has said some positive things about her as well. Although, I can see how the annoyance levels can increase when you're around your spouse all of the time. But then, he also said that he believes that I don't think of him as annoying.

It also makes me wonder how he could see me as not being annoying at all, but when it comes to his other clients, he finds them to be annoying and bothersome.

Why does he think that I'm never annoying and thinks that others are annoying?

Also, he and I gave each other a close hug. He gave me the criss-cross hug (one arm wrapped around my shoulder and the other wrapped under my shoulder). I hugged him tight, then he hugged me tight. After the hug, he started talking to me and his breathing became heavy and his voice was shaky.
As i said earlier its 101 % CLEAR to me that he is hitting on you dear (it wouldn't surprise me if his home life is in some cind of domestic problems either and again you NEED to STOP EMIDIETLY , contact his boss & ask for another therapist (and again if it were my situation i would report him BUT thats youre choice ) Based on what you again tells us its obvious he should NOT be dealing with young girls sush as youre self let alone young girls in this cind of vulnerable situation were trust is everything (NOTHING against him in general but what i read only enhance my previous statement and personal belief i did the right conclusion from the get go. )
 
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lizze77

New Member
As i said earlier its 101 % CLEAR to me that he is hitting on you dear (it wouldn't surprise me if his home life is in some cind domestic problems either and again you NEED to STOP EMIDIETLY , contact his boss & ask for another therapist (and again if it were my situation i would report him BUT thats youre choice ) Based on what you again tells us its obvious he should NOT be dealing with young girls sush as youre self let alone young girls in this cind of vulnerable situation were trust is everything (NOTHING against him in general but what i read only enhance my previous statement and personal belief i did the right conclusion from the get go. )
I've been his client for four years, but at this point I'm thinking about leaving him. I think I'll just go and find a female therapist that I can work with who's more professional.
 

Sarahnr1

Sarah
I agree that this would be the best option at this point Lizzie (btw ive been dealing with this so called professionals since i was 4 so i do know something about what im talking about ;) )
 
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