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Toxic relatioships

jastomp

New Member
Hey girls, so lately I've been getting quite a weird feeling about my relatioship with my boyfriend, we've been together for 6 months now and I've already saw some red flags. It is my first relationship and I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or is it actually toxic. My boyfriend used to get mad at me if some random guy texted me (I didn't text them back), used to get jealous and all angry if a guy looked at me, he used to ask about my past a lot and if there was a guy included he wouldn't talk to me for a day or two because of that. About a month ago we talked it out since he didn't let me go out and we had a big fight. He promised to work on it and he's been doing great. But another problem is that one time he out of nowhere said "I think my waist is smaller than yours". He pleaded to compare our waists but I insisted. He is very sporty and has a wonderful body but mines isn't that bad too, I had problems before, been overweight but lost some and reached a healthy weight. He always wanted me to go to the gym with him but he used to say that it's for fun. Yesterday he started laughing saying all over again he thinks my waist is bigger than his. He started comparing it with his hands and showing that it is. We stood next to the mirror and mine was obviously smaller, he said "okay, I was wrong, but you still have that fatty" and started grabbing on my stomach. I was really confused and he said let's go to the gym together, but when he saw I was getting mad he started saying (at the same time laughing) "I'm not saying that you have to go to the gym, but I want you to go" I got really really insecure but I couldn't say anything. He has called me quite a few times "sarcastically" a loaf before. I don't know if I should take it seriously or not.. Girls please advise me!
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
Kick him to the curb, hon. When he said "I think my waist is smaller than yours", I would have whipped out the measuring tape and found out whether it was true or not. :D

But seriously, he shouldn't have gotten angry at you/given you the "silent treatment" because a guy texted you, looked at you, or knew you in the past. You didn't do anything wrong. Wife abusers and jealous boyfriends act like that. Not a good sign.

"He didn't let you go out"?! So he's a controller too, is he! Not good.

You can tell him that "fatty" is not fat. It's your uterus! (Which it is.)

When someone keeps saying the same thing over and over again as a "joke", it stops being funny.

Does he realize that if you go to the gym, guys are going to look (maybe even stare) at you, possibly hit on you? I don't think he's going to have "fun" if you go. Unless he wants to "show you off" to the other guys so he can feel like "the big man on campus" - having a good looking woman in his company. "Bragging rights" and all that!

As he seemed to improve after you talked about him being jealous, maybe you can explain to him how it bothers you when he jokes/teases you about your weight - especially considering you used to be overweight. If he doesn't stop, you may want to look for another boyfriend, I'm sorry to say, hon. Good luck. :)
 

Rabbits

New Member
Hey girls, so lately I've been getting quite a weird feeling about my relatioship with my boyfriend, we've been together for 6 months now and I've already saw some red flags. It is my first relationship and I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or is it actually toxic. My boyfriend used to get mad at me if some random guy texted me (I didn't text them back), used to get jealous and all angry if a guy looked at me, he used to ask about my past a lot and if there was a guy included he wouldn't talk to me for a day or two because of that. About a month ago we talked it out since he didn't let me go out and we had a big fight. He promised to work on it and he's been doing great. But another problem is that one time he out of nowhere said "I think my waist is smaller than yours". He pleaded to compare our waists but I insisted. He is very sporty and has a wonderful body but mines isn't that bad too, I had problems before, been overweight but lost some and reached a healthy weight. He always wanted me to go to the gym with him but he used to say that it's for fun. Yesterday he started laughing saying all over again he thinks my waist is bigger than his. He started comparing it with his hands and showing that it is. We stood next to the mirror and mine was obviously smaller, he said "okay, I was wrong, but you still have that fatty" and started grabbing on my stomach. I was really confused and he said let's go to the gym together, but when he saw I was getting mad he started saying (at the same time laughing) "I'm not saying that you have to go to the gym, but I want you to go" I got really really insecure but I couldn't say anything. He has called me quite a few times "sarcastically" a loaf before. I don't know if I should take it seriously or not.. Girls please advise me!
My mum split up with my dad in 1999 but whilst she was with him he attacked her all the time and smashed her furniture up all the time he was a drug user and a alcoholic and he used to wear my mum's clothing to dress up as woman and he had wanked off on them and used tampons and go to bed in these women's clothing but four years after my mum split up with with my dad my dad's mum got social services on to my mum about me just to cause my mum lots of trouble but my dad showed me no love at all he called me a slug when I was a baby and got a used weel for my pushchair and refuse to buy me clothing or get me cheap stuff and he had some valuable jewelry that he found someone where my mum asked him to give me it but he didn't want to do and he give it to his mum instead
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
I hope your dad is finally leaving your mum alone.
It's so sad when your dad doesn't love you or when he doesn't show it. But with dads who don't care, you're better off without them, hon.
 

AlexaJade

New Member
Being in a toxic relationship is not easy. Most people with nar tendancies tend to pick someone weaker then them so they can gain control. I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years. The longer I left it the worse it got, but when I finally grew the courage to walk away. My confidence and happiness gre again.
maybe this post would help you, here: https : // www. alexajade.co.uk/emotional-abuse-the-signs-you-are-in-a-toxic-relationship/ - Hope it’s ok to share it. But sometimes relating helps xx

oh and just to add. It’s ok to ask for help x
 
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Rabbits

New Member
Being in a toxic relationship is not easy. Most people with nar tendancies tend to pick someone weaker then them so they can gain control. I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years. The longer I left it the worse it got, but when I finally grew the courage to walk away. My confidence and happiness gre again.
maybe this post would help you, here: https : // www. alexajade.co.uk/emotional-abuse-the-signs-you-are-in-a-toxic-relationship/ - Hope it’s ok to share it. But sometimes relating helps xx

oh and just to add. It’s ok to ask for help x
Thank you so much for offering your help I will think about it thanks
 

Lanabanana

New Member
Hey girls, so lately I've been getting quite a weird feeling about my relatioship with my boyfriend, we've been together for 6 months now and I've already saw some red flags. It is my first relationship and I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or is it actually toxic. My boyfriend used to get mad at me if some random guy texted me (I didn't text them back), used to get jealous and all angry if a guy looked at me, he used to ask about my past a lot and if there was a guy included he wouldn't talk to me for a day or two because of that. About a month ago we talked it out since he didn't let me go out and we had a big fight. He promised to work on it and he's been doing great. But another problem is that one time he out of nowhere said "I think my waist is smaller than yours". He pleaded to compare our waists but I insisted. He is very sporty and has a wonderful body but mines isn't that bad too, I had problems before, been overweight but lost some and reached a healthy weight. He always wanted me to go to the gym with him but he used to say that it's for fun. Yesterday he started laughing saying all over again he thinks my waist is bigger than his. He started comparing it with his hands and showing that it is. We stood next to the mirror and mine was obviously smaller, he said "okay, I was wrong, but you still have that fatty" and started grabbing on my stomach. I was really confused and he said let's go to the gym together, but when he saw I was getting mad he started saying (at the same time laughing) "I'm not saying that you have to go to the gym, but I want you to go" I got really really insecure but I couldn't say anything. He has called me quite a few times "sarcastically" a loaf before. I don't know if I should take it seriously or not.. Girls please advise me!
Hi!! I am about to break my own toxic relationship, I wish I knew better at the beginning, toxic things like these hardly ever go off, my probably soon to be ex used to be mad jealous and very insecure about my co-workers and even a friend/co worker we both know, once we were kind of arguing and I deleted a missed call of him and he asked me super angry who was that and took the phone away from me, please please please, don’t ignore the red flags, ignoring these will make your life miserable in the future, my bf and I love each other but I just think is not the right time to be together, maybe you need to give it some time, explain him that you don’t feel good when he ‘calls out’ even with a laughter your ‘insecurities’ which you did not have but coming from him they are relevant to you, if he fails to understand this cause you pain, he’s not the one.
 

sandy brady

Active Member
maddness. Am fuming reading this, no man should comment on your weight. Like if he gently suggested " hun you are gaining weight, am worried, are you stressed or should we try to eat more healthily" i would let him off, but calling you fatty is cruel. kick this man. I can call myself fatty, but nobody else can.

Next time he tells you something like that, be clear, dont smile and let him off, just say " i dont think its appropriate, quit it"

usually when men feel threatened they try and bring you down to feel their level.
E.g. one of my exs was not good looking, he was short, he had a bad temper and a nightmare idk how i dated him, am pretty by standards and thin by standards and so as soon as i got a breakout he would say " omg look at that pimple, huge" or when i gained weight it was like " you are getting fat, good so no man but me can look at you" hurtful things you know.
Do not accept things like this, it will escalate before you know it, stand your ground, if he doesnt back down, give him his own medicine, tell him he is flabby or his cheeks look like a chipmunk, idk( am bad at insults lol) but dont give in!
 

Rabbits

New Member
maddness. Am fuming reading this, no man should comment on your weight. Like if he gently suggested " hun you are gaining weight, am worried, are you stressed or should we try to eat more healthily" i would let him off, but calling you fatty is cruel. kick this man. I can call myself fatty, but nobody else can.

Next time he tells you something like that, be clear, dont smile and let him off, just say " i dont think its appropriate, quit it"

usually when men feel threatened they try and bring you down to feel their level.
E.g. one of my exs was not good looking, he was short, he had a bad temper and a nightmare idk how i dated him, am pretty by standards and thin by standards and so as soon as i got a breakout he would say " omg look at that pimple, huge" or when i gained weight it was like " you are getting fat, good so no man but me can look at you" hurtful things you know.
Do not accept things like this, it will escalate before you know it, stand your ground, if he doesnt back down, give him his own medicine, tell him he is flabby or his cheeks look like a chipmunk, idk( am bad at insults lol) but dont give in!
I think if someone is making rood comments about you all the time its a form of abuse and it's a form of domestic violence as well so it means if someone is doing that to you it means that they are not right for you
 

Margaux

New Member
Hello. Never hold on to someone that makes you miserable and commit the same mistake. Just let go and forgive. Do it not for your partner but for your self. I've been in a toxic relationship also and I feel happy that I let him go. Now I enjoy being single. :)
 
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