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Their Relationship

stitch532

Just finding my place in this world
This is going to be extremely complicated but I need unbiased advice. So I have my guy best friend, Trey, and we’ve been friends for about 7 years. In July we started to become super close. We became friends with benefits and it was super good. We were with our friend group everyday, but then I realized I was starting to fall for him. So I texted the two other girls in our group, Amelia and Kaitlyn. They were like sisters. But Kaitlyn was the one who told me we would figure it out because Trey didn’t do relationships and I didn’t wanna get my heart broken. So the next day we all went to Kaitlyn’s house and throughout the whole day we were tryna figure shit out; they wouldn’t let me be alone to think to myself. They then came up with the idea “I didn’t like him I just liked the attention I was getting from him” and ignored the rest of my feelings. Later that night I had fallen asleep on his lap and woke up to Kaitlyn making out with him. I had a mental breakdown and they just acted like it was nothing. Mind you the night before we had hooked up. Three days later they got into a relationship and I was left to be supportive of their relationship and hide all my feelings. Throughout their relationship Trey and I have had moments even days where we’re just caught up with each other. I get told by all my friends and family (before I even said I liked him) that him and I have more of a connection that him and Kaitlyn do. But I stood by and stayed patient. But last night he was drunk and texted me a lot of shit, like flirting and all, but still is staying with her. and he asked me “did you ever lose attraction to me?” And I said “no I never lost attraction. I’m still so into you but I’m good at hiding my emotions and true feelings. All I want is you but I can’t have you” and he was in shock I then told him in a friend way not a alternative motive way that their relationship isn’t working out and that’s up to him to decide but they never text/FaceTime/talk, he only sees her on the weekends and that’s always not guaranteed, he talks about how he wishes he could be with other girls etc. I told him it’s just not their time. I know this makes him sound like an asshole but I know he isn’t. He’s the most caring person, he has always protected me and looked after me. He has stayed by me when I needed him most. He is my world. But now he’s being distant from me and our friend Ethan (who is his best friend) who agrees him and I would be better and is going to talk to him about his relationship. I don’t even know if he remembers last night because he was drunk... but at this point idk what to do. I use to care about Kaitlyn but she has done so much shit to me that at this moment I just wanna focus on my happiness and his...
-H
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
Unfortunately, when we have sex with someone, it's very easy for us to fall for him. If he doesn't feel the same way about us (and is just using us for sex), it's very easy for us to get our hearts broken.

Having sex with a friend (a friends with benefits situation) can sometimes complicate (and even ruin) the friendship. It definitely changes the relationship.

Just because your friends came up with the idea that you didn't love Trey but just liked the attention, doesn't mean that's what really happened. (Kaitlyn might have just been saying that to "downplay" your situation so she could be with Trey.)

True friends wouldn't ignore your feelings.

Kaitlyn might have initially made out with Trey to prove to you that Trey didn't have strong feelings for you, but then maybe she developed feelings for him also (the way you did).

The fact that Trey acted like his making out with Kaitlyn was nothing, proves that he doesn't love you the way you love him. He should have "stayed with you" because that's when you needed him the most - to be strong and say to Kaitlyn that he was with you.

Then Trey gets on the phone, flirts with you, and says to you that he wishes he could be with other girls?! o_O Don't be surprised if he ends up breaking Kaitlyn's heart, too.
Any relationship that Trey has might not work out - not if he can't be faithful to the person he's with.

You don't have to hide your emotions and true feelings, hon. They both hurt you. If you act like everything is okay, they may not know how they've hurt you.
I would be honest with them (even if it's just writing a letter to them) and tell them how you really feel, how they haven't treated you the way friends are supposed to treat each other. Then maybe don't have them in your life as much anymore.

Even if Trey leaves Kaitlyn one day, how do you know whether you can trust him or whether he'll just use you again. He may be selfish and looks out for himself (rather than looking out for you). He may use others for his own satisfaction (including trying to get you to stroke his ego by admitting that you're still attracted to him).
A caring and protective friend would have asked you is it's okay if you both see other people. (Some friends-with-benefits relationships are open and the couple have sex with other people as well.)

I agree with you, hon. You should focus on your happiness and do what's best for you - you've been hurt more than enough already. (Trey "doesn't do relationships"? But he doesn't mind "doing you" and Kaitlyn and who knows who else though, does he?!)

The bottom line is: when a woman has sex with a guy, it often means a lot to us. When a man has sex, it often doesn't mean very much (at least romantically speaking).

Good luck, hon. :)
 

stitch532

Just finding my place in this world
Unfortunately, when we have sex with someone, it's very easy for us to fall for him. If he doesn't feel the same way about us (and is just using us for sex), it's very easy for us to get our hearts broken.

Having sex with a friend (a friends with benefits situation) can sometimes complicate (and even ruin) the friendship. It definitely changes the relationship.

Just because your friends came up with the idea that you didn't love Trey but just liked the attention, doesn't mean that's what really happened. (Kaitlyn might have just been saying that to "downplay" your situation so she could be with Trey.)

True friends wouldn't ignore your feelings.

Kaitlyn might have initially made out with Trey to prove to you that Trey didn't have strong feelings for you, but then maybe she developed feelings for him also (the way you did).

The fact that Trey acted like his making out with Kaitlyn was nothing, proves that he doesn't love you the way you love him. He should have "stayed with you" because that's when you needed him the most - to be strong and say to Kaitlyn that he was with you.

Then Trey gets on the phone, flirts with you, and says to you that he wishes he could be with other girls?! o_O Don't be surprised if he ends up breaking Kaitlyn's heart, too.
Any relationship that Trey has might not work out - not if he can't be faithful to the person he's with.

You don't have to hide your emotions and true feelings, hon. They both hurt you. If you act like everything is okay, they may not know how they've hurt you.
I would be honest with them (even if it's just writing a letter to them) and tell them how you really feel, how they haven't treated you the way friends are supposed to treat each other. Then maybe don't have them in your life as much anymore.

Even if Trey leaves Kaitlyn one day, how do you know whether you can trust him or whether he'll just use you again. He may be selfish and looks out for himself (rather than looking out for you). He may use others for his own satisfaction (including trying to get you to stroke his ego by admitting that you're still attracted to him).
A caring and protective friend would have asked you is it's okay if you both see other people. (Some friends-with-benefits relationships are open and the couple have sex with other people as well.)

I agree with you, hon. You should focus on your happiness and do what's best for you - you've been hurt more than enough already. (Trey "doesn't do relationships"? But he doesn't mind "doing you" and Kaitlyn and who knows who else though, does he?!)

The bottom line is: when a woman has sex with a guy, it often means a lot to us. When a man has sex, it often doesn't mean very much (at least romantically speaking).

Good luck, hon. :)
Thank you so much for that Christine, I know I just have to talk to him and tell Kaitlyn how much she hurt me and stop hiding those feelings because all it’s done is hurt myself rather than benefit myself... I know he wants Kaitlyn and his relationship to work but at this point it just can’t... and he needs to realize that.
 
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