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New Member
So last night I was on the phone to my boyfriend, I had booked a train ticket to come and see him at work as a surprise and take him to dinner. However, I reminded him that it was his sisters birthday and he explained that they were going out to dinner so I had to tell him the surprise as it seemed odd that I was asking about his plans. I didn’t really receive a thank you for my gesture, but then again he didn’t ask me to do it so I guess it’s okay. This wasn’t the problem, and his sisters birthday was obviously more important and I understand that. The only thing that upset me a bit was that he went out with his friends before and after the dinner, which was rough for me because I was under the impression that this wasn’t possible. I was audibly upset on the phone and he said he loved me and he would call me when he was home. He called me about 2 hours later at around 11:30PM and said that he felt that I love him more than he loves me and that I’m attached to him. I was understandably upset because I’m only trying my best and trying to do nice things because it’s what I would want for me. He apologised and took back what he said, and said he didn’t mean it. I said it was fine but I keep on thinking about it today. During the phone call he later went on to say that he wouldn’t be that upset if I cheated, and that his ex had messaged him. I’m not really sure how to feel about this, but at the end of the day he can talk to who he wants.
Maybe I’m trying too hard and putting in too much effort, maybe I do love him more than he loves me. I’m travelling two and a half hours to watch him play on Sunday, I know I won’t get a thank you but I’m sure that he wants me there.

I don’t really know what to think, am I in the wrong? I’m sorry I know this is so long xx


Staff member
Your post wasn't long, hon. Sometimes it takes more than a sentence or two to explain something. :)

I wouldn't be surprised if you do love him more than he loves you - this is often the case between men and women.
A person's actions speak louder than words and you have shown (through your actions) that you are caring and considerate of him. I wish he was more grateful to you. You deserve someone who appreciates you and makes you a priority in his life - especially more of a priority than his friends. (How would he like it if you chose to hang out with your friends, this Sunday, instead of watching him play!)
And, besides, he could have asked you to accompany him while he celebrated his sister's birthday.

And what's wrong with being (emotionally) attached to someone. Boyfriends/girlfriends are supposed to be emotionally connected/attached to each other.

If he's in the habit of not meaning what he says, how do you know what else he says that he may not mean. Does he mean it when he says he loves you, for example. If he's okay with you cheating on him, that doesn't sound like he loves you that much. (I don't know of any guy who's okay with his girlfriend cheating on him!)
If he brought up the subject of cheating, just out of the blue, it's possible he's cheating on you (which involves a lot more than just talking).
If you suspect he is cheating on you (and you're having sex with him), you might want to stop having sex with him (in case he picks up a sexually transmitted disease and ends up giving it to you). Also, if he doesn't care about you but is only using you for a free orgasm (and he can no longer get that from you), he might break up with you - in which case he'll be doing you a favor, because no one should be used and abused.

You're not in the wrong, hon. :)