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My husband: advice


New Member

this is gonna be a bit of a long story but I really need some advice on this..

so basically I have been with my husband for 5 years and married almost a year. About 6 months ago I went to visit family for a few days (a different county). Anyway in that time he invited his best mate over for a drink at the house. (Best friend is a male). I’ve now found out (6 months after) that they both got very drunk and stuff happened between them. Oral sex. The only reason I found out is that I kept hearing my husbands phone going off during the night and I woke up thinking who it was. I opened his phone. (Which I never, ever do) but something in my gut was telling me to look.. and I found messages from the best mate and my husband saying how it was silly but there never going to tell anyone what happened.

what the hell do I do? I’ve confronted my husband and he tells me he was embarrassed to tell me and that he’s not gay. That he loves me and it was just a drunken night... but is this classed as cheating? I feel numb at the moment. The most thing I’m upset about is the fact he never told me about it. He wasn’t honest with me....


Active Member
He would have been ashamed to tell you about it. I'd be inclined to overlook it but I'd be very watchful to see if it ever happens again.

sandy brady

Active Member
am sorry to say differently, hundreds of men get drunk with their mates every night, I have personally never heard of " i accidentally got drunk and had oral with my mate and am not gay" I think there might be some hidden feeling behind the action, he might not be lying to you, but maybe more to himself


New Member
Well, frankly no wife would approve of it. However, if you love him and he hasn't done anything similar earlier, then you could cut him a slack this one time and keep a watch on him. Have you ever found anything else in him earlier that rings a bell now ?