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Moving on and understanding guy's behaviour

nicca785

New Member
Hi girls! So recently I'm going through something that I've actually never experienced and the whole story is weird and twisted. I met a guy online at the beginning of April last year. We talked a lot, share a lot, behaved like a long-distance couple that spends every possible minute on the phone together. It obviously had some ups and downs. On July when I asked him to meet with me, he admitted that he won't do it because he has a perfect image of me in his head, and he is scared that one of us may get hurt, also he said that he is too old-fashioned to be with someone that he run into online. I took it, it was not that long relation, so I said that we should say goodbye and move on. But the next day he texted me, and once again we were stuck with our phones evolving an even deeper connection. I thought that we may be friends at least but his behavior and words were misleading as he behaved like I am his girlfriend. But I was into that, taking it all as I have never shared such a flow with anyone before. Unfortunately, on September, when the pandemia stopped for a moment in our country, he started to act distant and when I addressed the issue he admitted that he really had to move on and our relation was never meant to be daily. I felt offended and hurt. He said that he would like to stay in touch, that maybe once in a while he will message or call me to check up on me, but I said that we should just go back to our lives because I didn't believe him. For me, it was pretty sure that he wants to be alone or maybe with someone else, but for sure he is no longer interested in me. We stopped talking. After weeks, he reached out during Halloween, just for one long day of talking and remembering all the things we were doing, we updated each other about our lives and said goodbye. But then he went silent again. I texted him after a week, but he responded after a full day saying his sorry, but he unmuted me as he cannot allow himself for a distraction right now. I thought it is over completely, I was mad but okay with that. But then the Christmastime came in, and that's probably the perfect time for people to suddenly pop up with wishes. He was among those people. We talked and talked and stay in touch. So since Christmas we were once again talking almost constantly whenever we were free. He was even more into me than before. Saying that I helped him a lot in the previous year as he suffers from anxiety and that I am the perfect girl. But obviously these were just words. Since the very beginning I was suspicious. I didn't initiate the contact that often, trying to remember how he left me before. He said that he knows that he acted in a wrong way, and he is sorry, but now he is not going anywhere. But on the beginning of February he once again started acting distant. I addressed the issue, but he said that he is going through something and I have nothing to overthink. Unfortunately on Valentine's Day when I wanted to talk to him, he acted weird, so I asked if he is ghosting me. He said that maybe a little. Later on he admitted that he kinda was on a date but is unsure about whether to call it that way. I was devastated. I know we were not in a relationship, but I felt betrayed. Furthermore, I even knew about what girl he is talking about as he met her once with his friend last summer but didn't talk with her at all. She reached out to him as she live near his place and asked for a walk, so they started talking at the end of January. Obviously when I get that news I said that this is the time to finally say goodbye, but he was sending mixed signals. On the one hand he said it is nothing serious, but then he said he is fully into it, and the date was unexpected for him as well. He even had the audacity to ask me some questions how to act and behave in front of that girl to impress her. When I said that we should split he said that it is my decision because he said he is not going anywhere and at least every 2 weeks I should text him. But I am not his grandma to check up on me if I am alive. I really have no idea what happened, I feel like someone cheated on me, lied and used me. I cannot believe that someone who is so sensitive having his own anxious thoughts and panic attacks could lead me on and let me overthink everything. This time really I thought it was something real. He even was kinda sad that I am not fighting for him, but I am not going to fight with his girlfriend-to-be, so I just removed myself as that was the right thing to do. I know that he has a wedding of his friend soon, so he needed a date so having a girl was in the back of his mind, but I really cannot get this boy's actions. The worst thing is that I am an overthinker and I feel like I was not good enough, that I lost something special, were used and lied for months. I am also impressed how fast he was able to move on, and suddenly he is into that new girl. If that was so easy then anything of that was real even though he admitted that he won't forget about me because he really likes me, and it hurts him that I am somewhere there, but not near him right now. It feels even worse than going through a real break up. We didn't block each other, but I cannot be stuck on him nor to think about him because he is probably with the other girl and I don't want to be a part of such thing. How to move on from such thing? I do not even know how to express how I feel because emotionally I am a wreck even though I kinda knew that something like this may happended sooner or later.
 

Christinegirl

Well-Known Member
I know you were able to have a deep connection with him but it sounds like he was playing mind games with you (behaving like you were his girlfriend but didn't want to be with someone he ran into online) and is just using you as a sounding board, possibly someone to alleviate his anxiety and keep him company during the lockdown.

I'm old-fashioned, too, but there's nothing wrong with meeting someone in person that we met online - especially during a global pandemic.

It's not a matter of you weren't good enough. You were too good for him.

If you don't want to have just an online friendship where you spend countless hours just talking back and forth, I'd tell him, then block him.
It sounds like he's just using you as a buddy (but at the same time wants you to stroke his ego and "fight for him"). From what you've described, he's not worth breaking a nail over, hon.

Kick him to the curb and try to talk with other people online (and soon, we'll all be able to meet in person again and hopefully you'll meet real men in your area).
The best way to forget about someone is to replace him with someone else. ;)
 

davie2010

Active Member
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and I can totally understand your how difficult this has been to deal with. This whole thing about having to meet people online only has been really difficult. With this guy, I would definitely have to agree with Christinegirl. It also seemed to me as I read your post that he is using you as his ego booster. I found his explanation for not meeting because he has a perfect image of you in his head, and he is scared that you may get hurt and that "he is too old-fashioned to be with someone that he run into online" to be really appalling and lame. Like Christinegirl said:" It's not a matter of you weren't good enough. You were too good for him."
 

nicca785

New Member
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and I can totally understand your how difficult this has been to deal with. This whole thing about having to meet people online only has been really difficult. With this guy, I would definitely have to agree with Christinegirl. It also seemed to me as I read your post that he is using you as his ego booster. I found his explanation for not meeting because he has a perfect image of you in his head, and he is scared that you may get hurt and that "he is too old-fashioned to be with someone that he run into online" to be really appalling and lame. Like Christinegirl said:" It's not a matter of you weren't good enough. You were too good for him."
Yeah, I think you're right. I know he was not that worthy of my attention after all, and I just stopped talking to him at all even though he wanted to stay in touch - didn't believe his bullshit anymore, let his new girl dill with him, I'm toxic free now. Still it hurts, but maybe karma going to hunt him for some time for what he did. Now I'm only mad at myself that I let myself to fall into such a stupid trap. But it is gettin better and better every day, now thinking about this guy only gives me the ick. I deserve someone better for sure!
 

nicca785

New Member
I know you were able to have a deep connection with him but it sounds like he was playing mind games with you (behaving like you were his girlfriend but didn't want to be with someone he ran into online) and is just using you as a sounding board, possibly someone to alleviate his anxiety and keep him company during the lockdown.

I'm old-fashioned, too, but there's nothing wrong with meeting someone in person that we met online - especially during a global pandemic.

It's not a matter of you weren't good enough. You were too good for him.

If you don't want to have just an online friendship where you spend countless hours just talking back and forth, I'd tell him, then block him.
It sounds like he's just using you as a buddy (but at the same time wants you to stroke his ego and "fight for him"). From what you've described, he's not worth breaking a nail over, hon.

Kick him to the curb and try to talk with other people online (and soon, we'll all be able to meet in person again and hopefully you'll meet real men in your area).
The best way to forget about someone is to replace him with someone else. ;)
You're right, I stopped talking to him at all even though he still was sending mixed signals. I don't know how some guys may have the audacity to do so even though it was online. I guess he lacks empathy and basic human decency. I even decided to just say goodbye without telling him what I really think about him because my energy is not going to be spent on someone who does not deserves my attention anymore. I hope he is going to get what he deserve after such a treatment. Time to focus on me and people that really cares making more than a bare minimum
 

Christinegirl

Well-Known Member
I hear what you're saying, hon, but I recommend telling him why you're saying goodbye to him. (Or give him the link to this webpage if he wants to know why. He doesn't have to signup/log in to see it.) And you'll be doing it for yourself. That way, you can sever all ties with him with a clear conscience (and he can't say something like: "Well I don't know why she won't talk to me anymore...")

But I'm glad you're going to focus on you and the people who really care about you (and don't just use you). Well done! ;)
 

nicca785

New Member
I hear what you're saying, hon, but I recommend telling him why you're saying goodbye to him. (Or give him the link to this webpage if he wants to know why. He doesn't have to signup/log in to see it.) And you'll be doing it for yourself. That way, you can sever all ties with him with a clear conscience (and he can't say something like: "Well I don't know why she won't talk to me anymore...")

But I'm glad you're going to focus on you and the people who really care about you (and don't just use you). Well done! ;)
We kinda had the closure on Valentine's Day while saying goodbye to each other. Since then, we didn't reach out, I think he already moved on and probably by now is in the relationship with the new girl. Now telling him all of that, with that new girl in mind, seems unfair. I think he is aware of his actions and already forget about our twisted year-long relation.
 
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