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Mm... Confused About a Relationship

Trinity Kim

New Member
...Does this go is Advice or Relationship, I wonder..?

Well... anyway, I've been having a rough year so far, and it's kind of because of one of my guy friends. I'm really confused about our relationship and it's really complicated, so if you don't want to read paragraphs of me talking... you don't have to. I understand! ^o^

Alors, here goes, I'll try and explain my situation:

So... dunno if you're going to actually reply to this (it would be nice if anyone did, really)... but... there's a guy (Asian, in case that matters) who used to like me. A lot. He's about a year and a half older than me, and asked me out twice... and... at the time, I wasn't interested, so I turned him down. He kept referring to me (in private, of course, when it was just us two) as 'the one for him', 'beautiful', or something along those lines... and I didn't know what to think. I was stuck there, kind of clueless about relationships (it's not exactly my forte), while he flattered me and talked to me about things he probably wouldn't tell anybody else... things you only share with people you care about. It kind of went on like that for a while (like... two years ^^').
Since class grew ever more restrictive, we would pass notes (in a notebook that doubles as a workbook, in case a teacher asked what it was). Our conversations (written conversations, it was difficult to talk face to face without being interrupted) were sporadic, and the content was unpredictable, ranging from sweet talking and innocent affection to opinionated insults and stubbornly immature arguments.
It took me a while before I realized that some of my responses to his playful taunts may have been overly harsh, and I got really guilty.
Then, one day, to clear things up, I told him I loved him back (and it was true, I had developed feelings for him). He cut me off, then, not talking/writing to me for a couple months, and I figured I had gone too far with my insults or whatever, and he didn't want to talk to someone as mean as me anymore (TT.TT).
He then approached me one day and asked 'if I meant it'. I blurted out 'no' really hastily, I wanted to take back the insults and scorn, I wanted to assure him that I never meant to be so cruel or ignorant of his feelings when I said things so carelessly. But... now that I think about it, I think he meant me confessing to him... in which case... I screwed up really badly. But after I said no, he just severed our relationship completely. Like... completely.
It's almost like our five years of friendship never existed. I'm not sure if he was depressed about me accidentally saying I lied about loving him, or if he was just waiting for me to say I love him so he could shut me down (in a heart-breaker-esque manner). I know he's had a couple girlfriends before me, after all.
I've considered trying to sort things out with him through conversation, but it's hard since we've ignored each other for so long, and he's (metaphorically, not literally) turns away whenever I'm around, as if he's disappointed in me or something.
And now he's dating another girl... so I don't want to make it sound like I'm jealous or desperate for his affections... I just want to know what really happened. If he ever really thought I was beautiful, if I was 'the one', if I was anything to him ever.
The one thing I don't want is our relationship as friends going from nonexistent to hostile, because I can feel the cold wall between us, I can sense that air of frigidity, the bitterness that just continues to pile up and tear us apart.
I want things to go back to how they were before we broke, before he walked away from me and chose another girl over me...
Advice?

...

Sorry this is so long... I'm really sorry... it's practically an essay...

It's just hard to tell our story. It's quite pathetic, really, how naïve I was... when I failed to notice how much he cared and how much I didn't. I just tossed him around like he was a toy...

TT.TT
 

midnight123

Member
I really feel bad for u . I'm only 13 and don't have that much experience in relationship but il still help :) so in my opinion he is mad or disappointed that you turn him down 2 times then u suddly say I love u then u say no. He might feel like your toying with his emotion. But he is wrong too. You didn't feel that way yet until you really go to know him. I thought that was the right thing to do. But if he ignores u an doesn't want to talk to u for years and years u must let it go and move on. Hopefully u guys might get together get talk or u might find someone else. Hope I helped u and good luck :)
 

Trinity Kim

New Member
I really feel bad for u . I'm only 13 and don't have that much experience in relationship but il still help :) so in my opinion he is mad or disappointed that you turn him down 2 times then u suddly say I love u then u say no. He might feel like your toying with his emotion. But he is wrong too. You didn't feel that way yet until you really go to know him. I thought that was the right thing to do. But if he ignores u an doesn't want to talk to u for years and years u must let it go and move on. Hopefully u guys might get together get talk or u might find someone else. Hope I helped u and good luck :)
I appreciate it (just the fact that you seemed to have read part, most or all of my... 'essay' is admirable in itself: Cheers to that!). I can only hope, really... but you never know, right? Who knows what could happen...
 

Trinity Kim

New Member
Yea your right! Maybe try writing a letter to him
Kind of ironic, because I remember doing so... but I think I misplaced it. I was trying to wait it out so that it didn't seem like I was stalking him... and then it just kind of disappeared... Eheh, whoops. ^^'
 

midnight123

Member
Lol well what are u going to do? Do us still have communication with him. Like do u see him around?

Also its coool that u have a summer b Day! Ur older than me by a month :(
 

Trinity Kim

New Member
Yeah, he's in my class. We're both in the Advanced class, so we're more or less going to be in the same class for the next few years (which... er... makes group/cooperative activities kind of awkward...). The school district keeps all of the Advanced kids together, we all share the same schedule and classmates (aside from Foreign Language classes).
 

midnight123

Member
Oh I'm not in HS yet I'm on summer break but Yay I'm taking French as a language as a beginning / introduction. Oh and sorry about the age thing I kind of have bad eye sight. May I ask u a question?
 

Trinity Kim

New Member
Reverting to the topic of my... erm... 'relationship' with this guy... I wrote something to him today, and he replied. His response included such lines as: "I don't care if you hate me", "I don't want to fix a broken relationship only for it to be broken again", and, you know, things like that... and... I'm taking that as a bad sign? First and foremost... I don't hate him, and I never did... but... the second one is what caught me off guard, because he seemed to assume that things wouldn't work out in the end, even if we were to make up... which hurts, honestly. And I don't know what to do anymore... I feel like it's over, because I don't want to be the only person making an effort to repair our bonds... I don't want this to be one-sided, you know what I mean?
 

midnight123

Member
I wanted you to teach me a little French :) ok about the relationship thing. I don't really like this guy because you keep saying sorry to him but he doesn't see that your truly sorry. I feel like he just like oh you now say sorry to me. I think you should stop. If he cant accept that your sorry you should just stop.
 

Rose2097

New Member
It's not your fault if you don't love someone when they love you. That's life. Life is full of heartbreaks, but they are all worth it when you find someone who loves you and you love them back. I know you developed feelings for him, but sometimes you just have to learn to say goodbye to people sometimes. You shouldn't spend your life wondering what you should do to make things up to him. You deserve happiness, and I know this is easier said than done, but it's worth a try :) Hope this helped. If not, I'm sorry. I'm not exactly the best on giving advice when it comes to relationships haha. But I do my best ;) ...I didn't realize you posted this over a month ago. I'm a little behind haha
 
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