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I know I should break up but..

Anih23

New Member
Girls I need your advice! It's gonna be a long story but I really don't know what to do.
So I've been together w my boyfriend for 2 years now. We moved in together quite early (both of us needed to move and it felt convenient).
The thing is since then he started playing video games again, which wouldn't be a problem if he could balance work-games-me/family. There are days when he doesn't even talk/kiss/hug me then he tells me he misses me (doesn't do shit about it tho).
He doesn't help me clean, he does tidy up from time to time. Also I cook and wash everything (he drives me to work or shop tho).
He's really money centrical, like he'd ask me for the pennies too while I don't care and usually round it down.
He's not considerate about me being in pain for example on my period and slaps my ass.
His work is more tiresome than mine is (he's a delivery driver and I work in a warehouse (same company)). I should be able to cook/clean after a 10 hour shift but he's tired (even on his days off) and he wants to relax with his mates online.
For two weeks he kept telling me I was annoying just bc I tried to talk to him. I don't really get to talk to ppl at work so I'd like to talk to someone when I get home (so him)..I don't think that's bad. I always listen when he has to say something but cuts me off or changes the subject too often in the middle of the conversation not asking me to finish what I was saying).
He's always right. Well, at least in his opinion. Can't even finish my ideas bc they shit, he knows, I should trust him. We (he) had a little bitch slapping thing for like a week and a half. I genuinely believe he thought I liked it. I told him to stop when I got to the point I flinched when he wanted to stroke my hair. That stopped since.
Once we had a full blown argument bc I gained weight (noticed it too, don't feel good about it) he told me I need to start counting my calories to lose weight but I'd rather exercise a lot and just at healthy than that. And at some point he called me disgusting and told me he doesn't want to be with someone fat. I had problems with my weight since childhood so I'm really sensitive and insecure about it (which he knows). An hour later he didn't know what my problem was. I needed to remind him what we called me and then he dare to ******* deny it. When I ignored him all day that's when he said sorry for what he said (didn't deny it this time).
In agreements he always calls me names but I really rarely do.
So basically if one of my friends told me this happened to her I'd say break up with him. But here comes my problem. I had really few hours at my previous job so I couldn't save any money for a year (didn't have any savings before) and I basically worked to pay bills and food. So with my warehouse job I can actually save up some money but I literally just started doing it. Meaning I don't have money to move to a room (yet), also have too many kitchen appliances/plates ect to put it in a room but wouldn't have money to move in studio. My other problem is that I work quite far and I start at 6am (need to wake up at 4:30am to get there by car, so with bus that's about 3-3:30). I feel like an asshole here bc I "use" him to take me to work.
I don't have family members here so my only option would be to move back to my country which I really don't like so o don't know what to do.
Also the my insecurities about my body and the thought I'll find no one to love me is really putting me off. As well as the love I have for him (I'm not sure it's still the love love I should feel towards my partner).
I really could use some advice!
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
I feel for you, hon. Thank you for talking to us about this. (At least we won't cut you off.) ;)

As he makes you "count the pennies", maybe do it with your own money, too - saving as much as you can (so you'll be able to move out sooner).

Maybe even get a second job and do very little around the house - you'll be tired, too. (You can maybe tell him that you're saving up for a surprise for him and want to make some extra cash. The surprise will be that you're moving out. ;)) If he can spend time with his mates, even on the weekends (and not do his share of the housework), why should the responsibility be on your shoulders!
You might also like to make the "second" job your main job (if you can) after you move out - you probably wouldn't want to see him at work, especially if he deliberately flirts with other women right under your nose (to give you the impression he "doesn't need you and has moved on").
With the money from your second job, you might be able to move into an apartment that'll be big enough for your stuff (and closer to where you work). :)

Because the sooner you can get away from this guy, the better off you'll be, hon. He's definitely an abuser. Unfortunately, there are too many guys like him so, you may never find any one to love you (but you don't have someone who loves you, now. If he did, he would show it in his actions.) But then, again, you might find a great guy (after you're single again).
But you can always love yourself - in other words, take care of yourself, treat yourself nicely, be good to yourself. Then if you find a wonderful man to share your life with, that'll be great. But if you don't, you can still be happy and have a rich and rewarding life - free from drama and heartache (and being treated disrespectfully).
I know you care about him (and he's very lucky you do), but you deserve someone who will appreciate the fact that he gets to have sex with you, you cook and clean for him, contribute financially, etc., instead of insulting you verbally and assaulting you physically (by b*tch slapping you. I mean what the ...!! I don't know of anyone who likes that! Some guys are sadistic and they'll say: "Oh, I thought you liked it" so they can justify themselves doing it. I bet they wouldn't like it if someone slapped them around!)

There's nothing wrong with wanting to talk to the person you live with, hon. And if he cared about you, he'd want you to talk to him - and he'd be respectful enough to listen. I'm sure he wants your attention when he wants an orgasm!

And you're not using him to take you to work - you're contributing a lot of your time, talents, money, etc. to the relationship. The least he can do is drive you to work.

There's nothing wrong with gaining weight, either. What is disgusting is someone body shaming you, especially when he knows you had problems with your weight since childhood!

And I bet you have great ideas! Trust yourself, hon. You know you have your best interest at heart. Him, I'm not so sure!

The guy can't even fight fair - kick him to the curb, hon. You can do better than him. ;)

Thank you again for sharing this. And welcome to Girls Forum! ⛲
 

Anih23

New Member
I feel for you, hon. Thank you for talking to us about this. (At least we won't cut you off.) ;)

As he makes you "count the pennies", maybe do it with your own money, too - saving as much as you can (so you'll be able to move out sooner).

Maybe even get a second job and do very little around the house - you'll be tired, too. (You can maybe tell him that you're saving up for a surprise for him and want to make some extra cash. The surprise will be that you're moving out. ;)) If he can spend time with his mates, even on the weekends (and not do his share of the housework), why should the responsibility be on your shoulders!
You might also like to make the "second" job your main job (if you can) after you move out - you probably wouldn't want to see him at work, especially if he deliberately flirts with other women right under your nose (to give you the impression he "doesn't need you and has moved on").
With the money from your second job, you might be able to move into an apartment that'll be big enough for your stuff (and closer to where you work). :)

Because the sooner you can get away from this guy, the better off you'll be, hon. He's definitely an abuser. Unfortunately, there are too many guys like him so, you may never find any one to love you (but you don't have someone who loves you, now. If he did, he would show it in his actions.) But then, again, you might find a great guy (after you're single again).
But you can always love yourself - in other words, take care of yourself, treat yourself nicely, be good to yourself. Then if you find a wonderful man to share your life with, that'll be great. But if you don't, you can still be happy and have a rich and rewarding life - free from drama and heartache (and being treated disrespectfully).
I know you care about him (and he's very lucky you do), but you deserve someone who will appreciate the fact that he gets to have sex with you, you cook and clean for him, contribute financially, etc., instead of insulting you verbally and assaulting you physically (by b*tch slapping you. I mean what the ...!! I don't know of anyone who likes that! Some guys are sadistic and they'll say: "Oh, I thought you liked it" so they can justify themselves doing it. I bet they wouldn't like it if someone slapped them around!)

There's nothing wrong with wanting to talk to the person you live with, hon. And if he cared about you, he'd want you to talk to him - and he'd be respectful enough to listen. I'm sure he wants your attention when he wants an orgasm!

And you're not using him to take you to work - you're contributing a lot of your time, talents, money, etc. to the relationship. The least he can do is drive you to work.

There's nothing wrong with gaining weight, either. What is disgusting is someone body shaming you, especially when he knows you had problems with your weight since childhood!

And I bet you have great ideas! Trust yourself, hon. You know you have your best interest at heart. Him, I'm not so sure!

The guy can't even fight fair - kick him to the curb, hon. You can do better than him. ;)

Thank you again for sharing this. And welcome to Girls Forum! ⛲
God, I think you got a good idea how much I needed to hear that. Literally cried reading it. Thank you so much!❤ And you gave great advices too, I appreciate it! ❤
 
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