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How to respond to this?

heygurlxo

New Member
Ok so, I made a post a few days ago about “how to message a guy u first met” or whatever, and we have messaged a little, mainly just bantering and whatnot. But yesterday, we were bantering about sending food to each other or whatever and I was like “well u offered and I accepted, I don’t remember offering” and he was like “that’s the point, at least I offered, and it was my bday too” and I was like “try again next year” and then he said “you (my ethnicity) are heartless mate.” I replied “excuse me? Heartless? I barely know you” and he said “straight heartless haha, what do u want to know?” Was it right for me to get offended? Would u girls get offended? And so I was like “well nothing now seeing as I am so heartless” and he said “at least u admit it” and I’m like wtf!

So then I said “you know tbh, you shouldn’t call a girl u just met heartless” and he is like “sorry I offended you, but it was a joke? Guess I’m just used to more banter” then I said “yeah I get that” as a way to like stop the convo but he said “seeing as dont know me, why would u get offended by what I say tho? I’ve had people say shit to me and I couldn’t care less”

I honestly don’t know what to say or even to respond at all. We got along really well, I didn’t know if I could really see it as something romantic, but like we would be cool as mates. What should I do? How would you respond? Would u ghost or tell him off or what?
 
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Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
A lot of guys do this: they insult us and then when we call them on it, they try to save face and say: "Oh, I was only joking!"
Then I say: "Oh, you're a stupid idiot oh I was only joking. See how that doesn't work?" Then I block 'em and move on to someone else. :) That's the beauty of the internet - there's "plenty of fish in the sea". ;)
 

PearlK

Adult
... How would you respond? ...
For me, making a generalisation about my ethnicity would be a deal-breaker. At that point I would tell him that's a line no-one gets to cross, and immediately block him. And I mean immediately. Don't wait to see how he responds.

But you're past that point and still talking to him - and he's still trying to make it sound like it's your problem. It's not.

I had another look at your first message, and the first alarm bells rang when I read "But towards the end of the night I started feeling uncomfortable ..." That's your instinct kicking in. Don't ignore it.

Block him. Don't feel sorry for him.

xxP
 

heygurlxo

New Member
For me, making a generalisation about my ethnicity would be a deal-breaker. At that point I would tell him that's a line no-one gets to cross, and immediately block him. And I mean immediately. Don't wait to see how he responds.

But you're past that point and still talking to him - and he's still trying to make it sound like it's your problem. It's not.

I had another look at your first message, and the first alarm bells rang when I read "But towards the end of the night I started feeling uncomfortable ..." That's your instinct kicking in. Don't ignore it.

Block him. Don't feel sorry for him.

xxP
You make a really good point, there were red flags I didn’t realize until now. Thank you for the advice. I’ve decided to ghost him.

A lot of guys do this: they insult us and then when we call them on it, they try to save face and say: "Oh, I was only joking!"
Then I say: "Oh, you're a stupid idiot oh I was only joking. See how that doesn't work?" Then I block 'em and move on to someone else. :) That's the beauty of the internet - there's "plenty of fish in the sea". ;)
Ooo I like that response haha. Thank you for the advice :)
 
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