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Help? :(

Rp2502

New Member
Okay.. Newbie here :(
I can't believe I've resorted to this but i have no girlfriends to talk to. This is going to be long-winded..
So, i was with my partner for 12 years, 3 children later and a 5 year engagement we decided to finally tie the knot and planning started last september for this coming august. About 10 weeks ago i noticed he wasn't really interested in the wedding but thought it was just a man thing and carried on. I had a gut feeling he was cheating not meeting women but talking online. 2 weeks later I'd had enough and confronted him and he said he was having second thoughts, not only about the wedding but our whole relationship. In the end we decided to part ways, i was devastated. I've been in love with this man since i was 15. A couple weeks after the split he said he was on dating sites and that he was talking to 1 lady in particular (fine, he's single) but it just felt off to me. Anyway here i am 8 weeks later still regularly sleeping with him and i get a lightbulb moment. I downloaded his phone records, and surely enough 4 days after he left me was a new number, being rung everyday, multiple times, lasting hours. I rung the number and a woman answered, i hung up straight away. So you're probabaly thinking he was single so i can't say much but i confronted him. He admitted he'd added her through an app before he left me, and there is my gut instinct, screaming at me "i knew it!".. So in my rage i texted her. To say she was vile is an understatement, telling me she knows what the love of my life likes in the bedroom even though they've never physically met. I then find out she still has a boyfriend too. Bare in mind the last 8 weeks my ex has asked me to take him back everyday. I asked him why she'd comment on his sexual preferences and he denied it being anything more than friends. So i carried on messaging her, to be told she knew of my private mental health battles with post natal depression, along with them having phone sex, sending sexual photos and planning a life together. She did nothing but contradict herself, one message she was single then she wasn't, etc. I then asked if she knew he was in a relationship when they met, she said no but in the next message said my ex's sister knew? He is still denying it was anything other than friends. I'm so confused, I'm beyond hurt, broken and humiliated after cancelling all of my wedding contracts. But the worst is i don't know what to believe, there's no proof either way. I'd hate to think my ex could do that to me but at the same time why would she lie? I love him with all i have and i don't know what to do.
If anyone has had a similar situation I'd appreciate absolutely any words of advice to help me before my mental health suffers.
I appreciate it if you read this far.
Thank you.
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
I don't think the woman is the only one contradicting herself: first your partner said he was having second thoughts, not only about the wedding but about your whole relationship. Now he has spent every day of the last 8 weeks asking you to take him back!

If they weren't anything other than friends, why was he communicating with this woman everyday, multiple times, lasting for hours (four days after the split? It didn't take him long to get back into the swing of things, did it!)
It's possible she knows what your partner likes in the bedroom even though they never physically met. She knows about your struggles with depression. It sounds like your partner was emotionally intimate with her, if nothing else.
How much can you trust him to keep your personal life private?
He was possibly planning a life with her to get her "hooked in" emotionally with him (whether he planned on doing anything about it or not).

Even though he says they're just friends, how trustworthy is he? Can you trust him to tell you the truth? A lot of guys will lie when it comes to revealing their behavior towards other women.

Your partner admitted that he added this woman (through an app) before he left you! How much can you trust him to be faithful to you even if he does marry you?

She has a boyfriend too. So she may be similar to your partner: someone who cheats on their significant other. I say let them have each other. They may end up cheating on each other eventually also.
Even though I know you love him, how much does he love you? As you've cancelled all your wedding contracts, I wouldn't be in a rush to marry him just yet. It's easier to break up with someone before you marry them, rather than getting a divorce. Good luck, hun.
 

sandy brady

Active Member
drop this man. honestly he sounds like a pain.
often men drop their gfs when they think they found someone better, when they realise that that was not true, they go back.
if you let him back even just once, he will forever repeat the mistake and this will be a thing you have to deal with forever
 

Zefi Styles ❤

New Member
You deserve so much better! Why would this girl lie to you? Find another man that makes you happy and dont give your ex another chance. Exes are exes for a reason.
 
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