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a husband who need to be self-independent

snowy

New Member
i hav a frnd who has a husband.he alwayz asks his mom before doing anything. he shares everything wiv his mom,even if it is a secret between him n his wife??
do u think there is any need(for a mom)to know everything, her son n daughter in law want to do?? this is their personal life,they r free to do anything?right??how to treat such mom??
 

LeighA

Member
Oh, I feel bad for your friend. I could have never married a mama's boy...that's just too much to take. It is hard enough to make a relationship work between 2 people but when you add in a busybody mom too...They need to tell the mom to back off and let them live their life and he especially needs to put his foot down.
 

GracieJ

Member
I really don't think I could deal with somebody that told their mother every single thing. I think that what happens between a couple and is agreed to be a secret should stay that way. I, for example, wouldn't tell friends or family things that go on in my boyfriend's personal life, no matter how close we are. Some things are meant to be kept private.
 

poepar

New Member
Is it a cultural thing or is it psychological on the husband side to be mommy's boy? Nevertheless, from what I've read above, it seems more than cultural. Sharing his marital secrets with his mom? Come on... who is he actually married to anyway?

Snowy, I'm no expert, but I do have brothers who are married. Where I live, it's often viewed as normal when even married couples consult their parents before making BIG decisions. Because it's is viewed as good behavior to get parental consent.
But to go as far as sharing bedroom secrets with mom? That I've never heard of.

Maybe you could tell your friend to say this, "If you share our secrets with your mom, would you mind if I share secrets with my parents?"

Or even more, your friend could tell his husband that her best friends are like family, so she would share bedroom secrets with them. Then ask whether the husband minds or not.
 

Penelope

Member
You have to tell your friend that she has to sit down and have a nice discussion with her hubby on this subject. Some matters are just too sensitive and confidential to be told to her in-law.

Just ask her to go slow and easy on this one as I am sure that her hubby is very sensitive on such a matter as he has been sharing information with his mother for such a long time.
 

beanie

Member
Most "Momma's boys" end up treating their ladies very well, however this crosses the line. There are certain things my MIL will never know and I know that as I have faith in my husbands mind, and not wanting to get smacked. :D Might want to have a good heart to heart talk to this one.
 

Christinegirl

Moderator
Staff member
If he always asks his mom before doing anything, he may not have experience in making his own decisions. As he's a husband now, he needs to slowly learn to be independent and make his own choices (or have discussions with his wife).

It's not psychologically healthy to be so dependent on another person. What if (heaven forbid) his mother wasn't here anymore? It'll be more devastating for him because not only will he lose his mom but he might not know what to do as far as making day-to-day decisions.
 
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